The Luckiest Man Alive
by waistcoat35
Summary: Things have changed an awful lot, lately - Jasper just can't fathom it, really. He can't figure out how things have gone uphill quite this fast - how he has gone, in a relatively short amount of time, from the mocked town recluse to being such a lucky man. And it almost scares him.


Things have changed an awful lot, lately - Jasper just can't fathom it, really. He can't figure out how things have gone uphill quite this fast - how he has gone, in a relatively short amount of time, from the mocked town recluse to being such a lucky man. And it almost scares him.

His whole life, Jasper has been used to never quite fitting - he's either too much of one thing or not enough of another. Too tall. Too awkward. Too _shy_. Not bold enough, not charming enough, not smart enough, not handsome enough - there's always something. He can't seem to please anybody.

He _couldn't_ , that is...

Olivia's smile is so bright, it restores some of the light to his eyes - the light he lost so many years ago. He longs to speak to her - every time he sees her there's something swelling in his chest, bursting to get out. But there's still that fear - he isn't good enough, isn't _brave_ enough, to speak to her, to take up her time.

It would seem that's no excuse - Sarah does it for him. He hears her call over to him, a query about something in the morning paper, and oh - _oh_.

She's watching him. He manages to force some words out, hating how his voice stumbles on the syllables. He has to get this right, at least. Apparently he has, because she smiles then - a small quirk of the lips, modest but still pleased. Making her happy has a startling effect on his heart, indeed.

It keeps on getting better after that - he sees her more and more often, Sarah still encouraging his advances whenever she is there to witness them. It still amazes him that this child is helping him in such a way - though after all she did for him at the magic lantern show, well - he ought not to be surprised. Eventually he agrees to be the newspaper photographer - and he _tries_ to tell himself it isn't because he'll have an excuse to spend more time with _her_ , he really does... But it doesn't quite work.

There are times when he thinks he may still lose her - the voices will come back, and Hetty's words will sting, and his heart will sink all over again. The name Edwin Clarke leaves a bitter taste in his mouth and a thorn in his heart - that time he really is afraid he'll lose Olivia. But somehow - Jasper is beginning to believe in miracles - he musters up the courage to ask her. He asks her to _marry_ him. While he is waiting for an answer, the voices flare up worse than before.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid. You were actually doing_ well _for once. She might have actually stayed for longer than other people, if you hadn't said that. You can't even ask a simple question without messing things up-_

The voice is forced to cut off then, because now she's kissing him. _Olivia_ is _kissing him_. _Him!_ He really, honestly thinks that his heart is exploding and he's losing his mind all at once. And then she breaks away, and that's when he thinks it was a mistake - but the way she is looking at him convinces even him that that is not so. Things are acually going well for him - he says so, and she laughs and kisses him again. This time, he kisses back.

Then there's the time when he thinks that she's gone for good. Hetty's friends are much the same as her in some ways - he hears their words, and somehow they sting more than anything that has ever come from the mouth of Hetty herself. He feels light-headed and sick and shaky all at once - and the voices come back full force. He shouldn't have tried to do this. He knew, deep down, that it wouldn't end happily. Not for him, anyway - it would for Olivia, she was free to pursue somebody more worthy, after all.

He knows he has to leave - it'll hurt Olivia more if he tries to continue this foolish endeavour. But it still hurts, it hurts so _much_. He's being torn apart from the inside - starting with his mind and moving to his heart. He can't - he has to-

In the end, he just runs.

Olivia still tries - after he left, after he's ignored her for a week, she's _still_ trying, bless her. What on earth has he done to earn her?

 _Nothing,_ the voice whispers. _Nothing at all._

Eventually, they talk. He surprises himself there - he's the one who suggests it. If there's - if there's even a chance that she'll still give this a try, he isn't running away scared this time. For once, he'll be brave - and it pays off. What she says shocks him, but at the same time it's something he could only have _dreamed_ of hearing.

She _still_ loves him. She wants to stay - she...

She doesn't think he doesn't deserve her.

He could sing, he could bound through fields doing it too - but not now. Because he- he seems to have upset her. She thinks that he doesn't _want_ to be with her - and honestly, he can't find a single reason why she should think such a thing.

Later he will realise the irony of that statement.

All of that leads to where he is now. Happily married and - wow. _Wow._ He's - _married_. To _Olivia_. Despite what they have been through to get here - Hetty's interference included - they're really, actually _married_.

He gets to wake up beside Olivia every morning - is no longer alone every night. He is quite possibly the luckiest and happiest man alive.

And the best part? The longer she stays by his side, the more the voices stay away. Perhaps, one day, they will vanish altogether.

But for now, she's here. He's here.

They're fine.


End file.
